Several weeks ago someone (and no I won't share who) said to me,
"You failed to live up to potential."
This isn't a new thought. I heard it over and over in school, "She doesn't meet her potential." Or, "She could do more/better."
I always heard, "You can do more."
Your sister is a nurse.
Your brother is educated.
Your husband...
Your siblings...
Your children...
Your in-laws...
I was momentarily crushed to hear, "failed" and "live up". Then I became angry. I was angry to be compared to my siblings. Not one of them lived the same life I lived. My siblings, my husband, my in-laws, and my children had/have more self-esteem then I had when I made my choice of my life.
But.
Me, being whom I am, I didn't share. I didn't call my mom. I didn't email my husband. I didn't call my best friends and confidants: A, B, or C. I sat on it. I ignored it. I got pissed off. I even cursed (to myself) at this person.
But.
That didn't solve the problem.
Writing in my journal didn't solve the problem.
Really, writing this post won't solve the problem.
What will solve this problem?
I have done something my siblings, both adult siblings anyway have not done. The two children-siblings are still children and are not apart of my generation, but apart of my children's generation.
I have half-way raised and educated two wonderful children.
I am a mom!!
Being a mom might not earn much.
Being a mom might not achieve much.
Being a mom might not mean much, to you.
But.
Being a mom has been:
the most self-gratifying
painful, both emotionally and physically
self-less job
I have ever or will ever have.
I may not have a degree.
I may not have a military career under my belt.
I may not have a job that pays well.
I may not own a home.
But.
I have something my siblings don't have.
I have something my in-laws don't have.
I have something my children don't have.
I have a son and I have a daughter and I have MY husband. (Okay, I have a sister-in-law who can say she has that too, but she doesn't live in Japan.)
I've been a mom, alone.
I've reached the end of a pregnancy, with a toddler... alone.
I've lived in very foreign (to me) country.
I've lived in Hawaii.
I've lived to see my husband return from deployment.
I've been proud to see my husband leave for deployment.
I've been to the hospital, in anaphylaxis by myself.
I've potty trained two children.
I've taught two children to read.
I've taught two children their multiplication facts.
I've taught about slavery and how we overcome the mistakes of our past.
I've taught about forgiveness.
I've taught about love.
I might be someone's disappointment,
But, I'm proud of my accomplishments.
And guess what...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
... I'm not done yet!
I'm 34 years old.
AND, even if I get a degree in the future.
Even if I have a career.
Even if I make someone proud.
MY pride is in the fact that I is/was/am a good mom.
So, I've solved my problem:
I want someone to know...
I am a mom.
Can YOU compare?
I like this poem:
One Hundred Years From Now
Author: (excerpt from "Within My Power" by Forest Witcraft)
One hundred years from now
It won't matter
What kind of car I drove
What kind of house I lived in
How much money I had in the bank
Nor what my clothes looked like
BUT
The world may be a little better
Because, I was important
In the life of a child.
P.S. I do NOT want to discuss this post! Don't call me asking questions. I am NOT going to say who Someone is.
